Fillyloo Follies: But Martha....(Issue #5 10/2/2021)

Hello, my friends! Today is a beautiful day filled with promise and possibility. And yet…

And yet….

Do you have an “and yet…”?

I’d be willing to bet most of us do. That thing that just nags at us. That feeling that won’t go away. That thought that is on what feels like endless repeat in our minds. Awesomeness surrounds us, but we hang out in our dirty laundry basket.

In the last issue of Fillyloo Follies, I shared about coming out of a season of busyness. Coming out of that season my “and yet…” is extreme burnout. As someone who runs at life at full tilt, the idea of my fuel tank ever being empty feels insulting honestly. I feel angry and indignant. I mean….doesn’t God know I have things I want to DO? Life is short after all, so let’s get to it! But He says quietly….no. Sometimes I really hate it when His “no” is the best “yes” I could ever receive.

God did some pretty big things for me over the past year. While I was busy wearing myself out, He opened doors for things I wanted. A new job with a dream company — sure, kid, all yours. Sell my house and go on an adventure — absolutely. Let’s do it. Here I thought I was at the top of the mountain when in actuality God was bringing me down to the valley. I now understand He has used the dreams in my heart to reveal the damage I have done to my own dang self.

In answering those prayers, he set me up with stuff I didn’t even know I really needed. My new job has the steadiest schedule I think I’ve ever had, so I have the space to slow down. It also pays for counseling, so I have access to the help I need to shift to a less is more mentality. If you aren’t the kind of person who struggles with stopping to be a couch potato for a minute, this is going to sound bananramas to you. The process of slowing down for a busy person can be physically painful and mentally exhausting. Notice I said busy and not active. An active person gets up. Does the thing. Then they can rest without giving it a second thought. A busy person? Oh no. For us, stopping is MESSY. We can’t stop thinking of all the things we need or want to do. We feel guilty in the pause….like we are wasting time. How do I know this? I’ve been both. Prior to busy I was active. I’ve partied at both tables. There is a distinct difference between running at full throttle on a race track with pit stops along the way and being on a roller coaster that never seems to pull into the station for you to get off.

Today, if I could sit down and have coffee with anyone from scripture, it would be Martha. I’ve mentioned her in other writings, but I have never resonated so much with her in my life as I do now. She and I have so much in common. She was the eldest sibling. (Check!) She tended to take charge. (Check!) She handled the details and got things done. (Triple check! Anyone else ever said, “Fine, I’ll do it myself.”) All of these characteristics are blessings….until they aren’t. Martha, like me, worked herself to the bone until she had nothing left. I’d be willing to bet she didn’t even realize it until that one moment. Let’s be real…the dopamine hit you get from finishing stuff is AWESOME! At least it is until your brain taps out because you hit the awesome button too often for too long. Martha was doing what she thought needed to be done, but she wasn’t satisfied this time. It wasn’t until she took her complaints to Jesus that the truth of where she was overflowed and came out.

Luke 10:40 shares that Martha was “distracted” by her work. Jesus states she is “worried and upset about many things” in Luke 10:41. Some translations say “worried and anxious”. How often do we get so distracted by our “to-do” list we forget to just be and enjoy?

I haven’t always been this way. I don’t think Martha had been either. There are seasons to life. If Martha had never known the pleasure of slowing down and enjoying the moment, I don’t think she would have been so mad at Mary. I think a part of her wanted what Mary had — peace and rest. She wanted her task list to belong to someone else for a moment. Can you relate to that feeling?

This is where I want to reach out to those of you who relate and give you solutions. (I’m a first-born fixer after all.) Here is the growth moment. I can’t give you solutions. You’re solutions are going to be different from mine. This is what I do know….if you just realized you are a Martha, that is huge. That realization is your first step toward something different….something better. Pick a moment today….just five minutes….and do NOTHING. Sit still someplace comfortable and say nice things to yourself. The words don’t need to be fancy. Heck, something like, “that nail polish you picked sure is pretty” or “you got all the towels folded and put away — good job” or “you decided to take a break — excellent” or “this is going to be an awesome journey of loving yourself”. When your five minutes is up, ask yourself this — what really matters most today? God will either tell you or guide you to His solutions for you. You probably won’t like it much. Stopping may be painful and frustrating for a while. But I do know this, with every step He reveals something new and things get better. He will show you….and sometimes flat out push you….where you need to go. You, my friend, are not alone. And neither am I.